The Letter

I am hurt, and want the pain to go away. He keeps his silence, and its deafening.

I keep on beating for the wrong person. I am tired of watching them leave me. I am tired of convincing myself so that my heart wouldn't feel shattered again; of failed relationships, unrequited love. I have so much to give to the person who can never be mine, or my heart. My heart is all sore and wounded. So I could not just stay. That is why I have to walk away from all these pain that is consuming me.

How can I look through his eyes when I could not see myself in his heart? He was never mine to begin with, so it would be impossible to have him forever. Forever is just a word. I could not rely to my heart anymore.

There is no such thing as forever just goodbyes as inevitable. I was just excited as a kid. I wanted him to be the guy or the man I can be in love with. Or, grow in love with. But he is just a dream. And dream ends. Tell me, isn't it good to have a dream every time you feel like doing so? Like dreams, you have to wake up and face the day. It was enough that he stirred the emptiness of my heart and glimpsed into my ordinary life. Well, I just have to face the reality that someone owns his heart. Pushing for it will only make another girl's heart bleed. So I have to let go.

I have to because I don't want to look back. And I know I will never have any regrets if I would do so now. Because I know deep within me he is never coming back when he left. He is indeed a dream. A dream I never wish to end. I am holding on to that dream that is why I wouldn't want to let go yet. But holding on for so long as I can doesn't mean I will be holding on forever. A moment with him is forever.

Forever might be a word but it exists. It is a place where dreams come true, where hope won't go to oblivion. It is a place where kisses heal wounds, where embraces can take away fears and doubts. That is forever. It is him. And waiting is forever. When I only have him for a moment, just for a chance... where dates are mere numbers on the ticking of the clock and buzz of the so-called internet.

That is why I don't have to be like this anymore. I don't need to see myself in his eyes just as long as he sees himself in mine. Even if his smiles were not meant for me, as long as he knows I am smiling for no other reason but him. That is enough for me. A moment of forever. Enough for me through this lifetime. Though I wish I can have him a little longer to last another lifetime.

The reason why I realised I have to say goodbye to the feeling that is so-called forever. Because forever has no wings. It means to fly...

~nipped little wings~