When I left the Philippines for Japan no one ever really knew about it but my direct family. A week before some of my paternal relatives were going back here, they asked if I'd like to take a short trip to Japan before I would leave for Switzerland. (Let's just forget about Suisse for now, and not talk about the fiesta de despedida my family and friends threw out for me.) I only had three days to process all the necessary documents, and voila, I was on board seated right next to my cousin flying to the land of the rising sun... "if this would take me to understand my roots, I must be there." So I've heard myself saying.
Now that I've been here for about five years, some people back home would always inquire my exact location. In my kaleidoscopical world, people are certain of my vagrant fits, roaming about places crewed but most often uncrewed. And for them, I only leave trails without the words. But then again, they know I hate good-bye's... hate saying good bye.
As I continue to walk about a carefree life, they knew no more of the matter except when I postcross them of my whereabouts. Although recently I rarely write, I seldom update them even through emails. Once in a blue moon we chat online. Many a time I'm just on ignore-mode, while they are all aware I am reading their messages.
This morning when I heard of my phone buzzed, it took me by surprise of who it was. Our high school principal. He's currently teaching English in Oman, but will soon be relocated to New York. Oh Sir, I would kill to be in your feet! Yet all talks boil down to one question, "How's your heart, Inday?" Yes, that's how my former mentor addresses me. A tender word which means in Visayan precious, dear, loved one. Though non-Visayan Filipinos would think it is synonymous for housemaid. Inday, or Indayon when I'm occupying space and time. Because I could be in real slooow motion sometimes. And I chuckled more in laughter when he spoke of a familiar name. R has become a household name and even more popular when he followed me to study at the same university. Many have thought we would end up together. But the reality between R and me have been rooted around for years... outlawed by the smocking rivalries of our fathers. Nothing will come of waiting, and as insignificant as the box he contained for me. "I'm dreadful to say all of these, but there is utterly nothing to hold onto." I am deeply sorry for myself, for R and for our mentor who has always wished for us, for their expectations of its fulfillment.
And speaking about fulfillment, in no way or degree will I ever run for public office. Politics is not at all for me. Though I will always remain your servant.
By the way, Happy 18th to my cousin Nicko!
Alles gueti und be blessed.
Ich liebe dich!
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