My heart has been restless of late. Stress level is rising. I wanted to just shout out and release all the tension I'm harboring inside. I wanted to write something... anything... just to keep my sanity intact.

But words seem to escape me. Every time I attempted to touch my keyboards I immediately press delete. Everything seems so senseless. So immature and so unworthy to be written. My mind is protesting every time I stop trying. Think! My mind shouts, as if commanding the will to create something that will ease the burden it's carrying.

Writing has always been a sort of therapy for me. It eases the pain of my heart whenever it gets broken. It stills my mind whenever it becomes restless due to so many things. It unburdens my shoulder, knowing that a part of its load has been lightened.

But lately, my mind is in a battle against its own. All of a sudden freedom of expression has encountered its nemesis. The fear of exposure. Ironic as it may seem. All of a sudden the very thing that liberates my soul is threatening to become a prison wall, that might actually shut me off to oblivion.

I wanted so bad to express how I feel, what I want and what I desire the most. But the very thought of it, even brings more tension to the stress that my otherwise carefree mind is experiencing right now.

So I remain in this tight reign of guarding my thoughts. Trying, with all my will and might, to tame the train of thoughts that run a wild. Lest I, in my folly, expose everything in those trains not minding the harmful gases it emits in the air, that I myself breathes from.

So for now, I shut up. For now I stay on guard. For now I lay still. For now I battle my own desires. For I know one day I will be set free, nay, I will be rescued. For I know that right now, my knight is preparing to conquer the vast abyss that separates us. He is gearing for the battle that will include slaying dragons and overcoming dangerous journeys. Until he emerges victorious and ready to claim what has been destined to be his. His bride...

So for now. I let my heart scream... in silence.

Lord, I need grace...