What is it about the sunlight that transforms me? Is it the warm sensation on my skin? Or, maybe it’s the bright and vivid image it paints of the world? No. It’s neither. Sunlight brings with it the distractions I need to forget the things I really feel. I turn into a sponge, absorbing the world. I absorb the way people act, the things they say and do; I absorb what is deemed acceptable by society and what isn’t. I am not myself during the day. My thoughts and opinions take a back seat to those of others, and I end up enhancing myself to fit their ideals. And this makes the day kind. For, denial is kind and merciful.

Ah, but then comes the night. Merciless, bitter-sweet, beautiful night time. Where I am free to face not just my demons, but my inner angels too. Whatever the night may bring, I always know it is the truth. I can trust myself to see things clearly. And it doesn’t matter that the things I see make me weak at the knees. Or, that some nights are too painful to even remember. It’s okay, because the pureness and reality of it all is beautiful.

Ah yes, I can trust the night, but I cannot trust the daylight. For, trusting myself is the most important thing.

And when the sun shines, I am living a lie.