But deep inside, I really feel sick. I see myself as a person alone in a busy crowd. I talk to them but cannot communicate. It's like hearing without listening. I eat but do not taste.
Sometimes, you need to show them that you can be tough. That you can handle yourself. But at the end of the day, all that is left is fear.
The lose sight of two important persons in my life has totally changed my perspective. There is this fear of loving the people around me. I fear on loving. I fear on caring too much. Because I might end up desolate, mangled in speech and crushed by grief again. And to count a broken promise is an equal of three. Together they tangle to these pieces of me.
I'm wondering what my life would be if they haven't left. Would I be the same mixed up kid as I am today? I think not.
I might be dysphoric, and melancholy enwraps me. My views in life is at all times absurd. But yes, because I wake up to it everyday. That I can't help but be tristful with the weight of the realities of life.
Just like you, I am any other girl wiping out the inarticulate voices within me.
10 comments:
{{hugs}} to you mariale, whatever you're going through now! i know you'll come out of it much stronger.
cheer up pretty girl!
thanks for the hugs, girl. thanks for the encouragement.
and you stay pretty, too.
Hey Mariale, thanks for visiting my blog! I'll be back to have a good look at yours! :)
Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light. -Dorothy Thompson
Turn on the light that is your love and you will find out that there was never anything you needed to be afraid of. :P
@sleepyjane: You're very much welcome. Can I link you to mine?
@anonymous: That's a good thought. But what if, it's the bogeyman? :P
Turning on the lights is a double edged sword, you get rid of the bogeymen, (we all know bogeymen are deathly afraid of the light). And with the lights on, you get to examine everything around you a little closer, giving you a clearer perspective for better decisions :D
@anonymous: Yeah right, because I see myself as the bogeyman :p
"You will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden, but you will grow if you are sick, if you are in pain, if you experience losses, and if you do not put your head in the sand, but take the pain as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose." - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
It is okay to be sad or be afraid but do not linger on that feeling for a long time. I am happy though that you write. You need to express and release the steam that's building up inside you.
Whatever pain or fear you are experiencing right now, in due time, you will know what it's for. This will pass and you will come out of it renewed with fresh clarity.
Keep your head up and your heart open.
xoxo
You write so beautifully. I don't know what makes you sad
or scared, but maybe it's not one specific thing. You are not alone but I
have to tell you that you write beautifully!
@gracey: You always have a way with words, Boots. I need a time to reflect on things. But going through this phase is thwarting me to know what I want to happen. To write my versions of rave is the only catharsis I hope.
@anonymous: Thank you for your kind words. I expect you did not notice my incoherrent enthusiasm?
Post a Comment