I cannot find the right words to explain how I kept myself sane over the past years of being just by myself, of being alone on Friday nights. My sanity lies in the realization that neither myself nor my destiny can ever control the truth about having a relationship.
I was born alone, why would I kill myself just to have someone in my bed?
Gloria Steinem said: "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." Just like a fish, I could still swim the deep waters; without even learning how to walk, even ride bikes. Yes, I have survived years without the comforts of a partner because I am a woman.
Sadness could devour me like a forest fire, but my mind keeps telling me that I can be happy, that I can be normal; even though my hormones are now going haywire. Sometimes, I would just scream at the top of my lungs to release the pressures of being alone. And then, I would just come back to my senses and realize that in my solitude I found the person who would always be there for me... myself.
Looking past the mirror in front of me, I see what is beyond the lines forming under my eyes, with brows slowly shaping into an arch of non-conformity. I see the nakedness of my femininity reaching its value. I do not see curves, rather it is the simplicity of being who I am that suppresses the madness.
Insanity... I have no clue what that means anymore.
2 comments:
You look like you have a lot more flesh on you in this picture. :D And oh... It is far better to be alone than to wish you were.
beautiful writing yeng!
in the midst of your questions, i can feel the peace in your thoughts about the essence of being a woman. then who knows, like another gloria steinem fan when she later had a boyfriend, you too would say "this fish needs a bicycle". and it won't make you any lesser of the woman you are now.
take care of you!
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