I have a terrible habit of wearing mismatched socks. Sometimes one's black and the other gray, or close brown colors. Every now and then, I discover a hole that I've forgotten about. It's something that has become a habit, because there's always the safety net of knowing that people don't usually stare at my feet more than they stare at what I wear or what I look like. Fortunately for me, they can't judge my feet.


In this world where you have to at least try to look, dress, talk and think like everyone else, it's easy to lose your identity. People who have different opinions than everyone else face two consequences: they're either highly admired or ostracized.


In a world where there is an endless search for personal fulfillment and individual expression, it becomes a challenge for us to be able to truly express our emotions, to really appreciate the wonder of living our lives intensely, merely because we're too worried at what others might think. We're too scared of being judged. And sadly, it is this fear that holds us back from ever realizing our passion for life.


And yet, I find certain joy in seeing the brave few who strive to break out of the mold of conformity, those who shout at the top of their lungs to show ecstacy, who break down and cry when they hurt, and who live like there is no tomorrow.


So, I ask, who deserves our admiration?


Is it the woman who eats at a fancy restaurant, with her 10 forks and spoons, but looks utterly bored? Or the lady who eats with her fingers but savors every morsel of her meal, making a simple chicken and rice combination feel like a feast?


Is it the businessman who works a 9 to 5 job that he hates to make ends meet? Or is it the artist who is free to express his creativity and joy through his work?

Is it the couple who fight fiercely but make love as passionately? Or the couple who pretend that everything is ok and end up gradually hating each other?


When someone dances in the rain, sings out loud, rejoices with her every being,  kisses her boyfriend passionately in front of a million people, and just lives unconditionally, there's a part of me that wishes I could have the courage to break out of my prison. I look on in envy and I just wish I could shed every fear of judgment that I have and just completely live my life- insanely, passionately, intensely!


I wish I could live as if I were about to die the next day- no routines, no rationalizations, and no regrets! Just embrace the pure magic of moments and of the people around me. Maybe then I'd be able to let go of my inhibitions and learn how to love my life and myself completely and with total abandonment.


Maybe someday I'll find the courage to do just that- to laugh until my belly aches, to reach out to complete strangers, to love and live until I have nothing left to give, for I have already given everything I have, and to finally, at the end of my life, look death in the eye and say, "Take me, I'm ready."


Someday I'll go beyond my mismatched socks, someday I'll do more than just politely laugh at a good joke, someday I'll go beyond than giving what's enough, maybe I'll sing, dance, jump and scream with everyone watching, not caring if they think I'm insane... and someday, maybe someday, I'll truly live.

Mwahugs,

Boyeng <3