ZED

It's been a long day. But I have to rush back home. Our branch manager called up more than thrice today, telling me a lot of excuses. He's been weird lately. I know he was just checking out on me. Imagine whilst I was snorring in a make-believe world yesterday, there were constant ringing from him. So I had to show him the files he was pestering me about. Now he's being crazy, with a side-note of the whereabouts of my "date". He can't just shut up. I had no choice but to slap it to his face that I do have a life. And here I am trying to get the super-express ride, just so I could drop by the office to print the files he's oh-so-fuming about. When I get there, I would like to remind him for the weeks that he was not around, that I would like him to be exiled forever in Kobe or back to Tokyo, because he's driving us mad whenever he's around. Yes, I'm mad and I'm going to lambaste that to his face. Argh, I have to get my gibberish perfectly articulate now. I wish I would morph into Zed's image and totally speak in a foreign tongue.

Wine Overdose

As I look between the beer and the iced tea

Pondering which makes more sense

I tremble in my seat

I need a wine

Oh, where's the loo?

A mic comes handy.

Everyday I look for you
Unexpected futility
Among the wooden havens
The falling leaves
The mysterious corners
The memorable scenes
Unexpected futility
Answers me
Oh, you moved on
Away...
Away from here,
Away from me.

Mwahugs,
Boyeng <3

I don't want to pretend that I'm not hurt with my decision. But yes, I have to stand firm protecting myself from getting 'crunched'... I know I'm too selfish to push you away. If I could make you understand how I truly feel, I wouldn't mind getting 'crunched' to the core. But I don't like how it will kill me when slowly the sparks would disappear. So I'm flying away, which means flying away from the comfort of your Big Wings. May you find your little wings somewhere in time.

~nipped.

Carl Raymon

Woohoo! I woke up from a buzz of delivery-call. A package from Hakodate, Hokkaido.
It's a loot of chocolates and more chocolates from white to dark... Yum! More Japanese goodies, those sweet mochi. Sticky! Of course, Carl Raymon's packs of sausages. A book. An album, set of pictures of places I would like to be at, whenever I feel like thinking and to be secluded from the madding crowd. Oh, there's me! Woot! I have to unpack now before I'd dig memories from the past.

Weekend

For the moment :)

Think Of Me

I've got me some post V-day present. What a surprise from our branch manager! I'm wondering if he's half-Japanese, or just because I am when I'm not???

St. Valentine's

For Kokim and R-yo who both were asking me to send them chocolates to save their reputation (LOL) at their respective offices, of being dateless on this hearts day... You two pick your own choice :p I tried, actually my first, but I couldn't have made it perfectly well. Anyhow, by the time I'll send each to both of you, the look would be more unsightly I guess. I only have a picture to offer :p

Cheers to everyone, and happy birthday to my sister! And to lovely Odette too, hugs on your birthday.

Like any other Valentine's day, I still opt to be alone than crowd myself to the commercialism of a supposed special day.

***On phone conversation with Kokim...

"Won't there be a solution to your problem of not being sociable? Or but, you wouldn't relate yourself to anybody who is way different to your perspective?"

Whatever it may be, I don't have qualm about it.

Squid

One of my yummy faves :p

Singaporean Seafood

It's quite dark. This is only what my iPhone could get. But I don't care that much. My stomach's growling already for that Thai crab dinner (crab in curry sauce).

Our first course is here already. Just check out the place. It's right in front of Shinagawa station.

Begin forwarded message:

From: <YOU>

Date: 2009年1月22日 2:30:18:JST

To: <ME>

Subject: Is there anybody out there...

Your silence is ice

blue void of cold wisper

of sound anticipated

of cracking hope

Silence. I hear words I wish

and all those I fear

Are you hiding in silence?

Are you lost in pain?

Flap your wings, angel

Make the wind roar

of your will to live

Obstinated fighter.

My heart knows no words... I wish you were here to give me that warmth of your embrace, to kiss the tiny pearls falling down my cheeks.

I am still breathing. Although I find the pressures and responsibilities of life nowadays unbearable. I am still swimming in the surface, scaling that wall.

I have dreamt of you. It was so vivid that I could actually feel you. But I woke up from the reality that you were never around. I gasped for air, because I was crying when your image was slowly fading away from me. I walked my way to the fridge and found my half-drunk glass of milk. I didn't want to remember how I feel so alone in that dream. After I went to the loo, I checked my phone and I've got this. From then, it never stopped raining until all I could remember in the morning how heavy my heart was.

I don't think I will ever see you. And I don't think I will ever be with you. 

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life.

自分を信じるのです。一生、幸せに付き合っていられる自分を自ら作り出すのです。

Golda Meir
ゴルダー・メイヤー

Sometimes I feel my heart fall to vague depths between words. There are such spaces that I can't help but feel. My heart fall between the pregnant pause of all you will not say and all I can not ask.

Mishka

With her Tito-Ninong, her godfather, who she just fondly calls as Kokim. I think she's confused how to address her Tito Kokim, Ninong Kokim, Tito-Ninong... though she could utter straight the above honorifics, she opted for a shorter name-calling in a high-pitched stress.

To Narita

Off to the airport right now...

I need the eye-shut. I only had 4 hours of sleep. I made a cab reservation, so I have to be prim and proper on the time scheduled. Good thing this cab driver is very kind. He gallantly opened and closed the door for me. He even patiently waited for me downstairs, outside his car in a freezing cold, yet calling me through the interphone if I were ready. But nuh, he picked up a croaking voice.

Now he just let me slip to my dreamy world.

Thank you, Katou-san. Wake me up when we're there already.

Benri

It means convenient in Japanese. And for the people that surround me, it also means 'yours truly'.

There were times that I would like to give up, during those times that I so wished I was blind and deaf. I was on this threshold of fumigating my frustrations toward them. I could hardly breathe that I have become mute, as it has always been. I've had to be a pillar despite my prostrations.

I may be an ant, without nothing but only hard labor to carry on her back, unconspicuous to what seems a busy life they own. I don't bite like an ant though, you still don't have the right to step on me. However I was never blind nor deaf to your inconveniences.

Chains

Both of my faves are about to say goodbye... so are the moments?

Frazzled

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is."

私ができることは、自分自身であること。たとえ自分という存在が、どんな人間であろうとも。

Bob Dylan
ボブ・ディラン

お正月

Oshougatsu no maguro sashimi.

Tuna. Yum!

2009

Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu!

Mwahugs,
Boyeng <3