Going Home!

Hola!

Como vai? Sentimos sua falta? Mas eu ainda não desistiu de tentar aprender japonês. Estou ocupado no trabalho ultimamente. Embora não seja ainda uma desculpa. Vou tentar escrever mais quando tenho tempo. Último fim de semana, mas eu me diverti muito. Foi uma grande experiência novamente.

Hottie Aya!

Do I really need to pay ¥777 Twitter 'book'?

My two friends in the backseat.

Gift

Lunch treat ;)

Tadaima

This blog has not been updated for quite long. I've been here and there. And my thoughts have gone too places, or must've left them somewhere on my way back. In this roadtrip it never stop to amaze me how far I could go. There're times that I would live in the edge. Doubts would lurk in, dark clouds stalking in every step. But it didn't cue me to take the trip to downhill. I have chosen to segue to that course, which stretched to smoothed highways or take me to a haul. Most oft I would see myself in the damps, and wake up away from the shaft of rays. Yet knowing that I am standing in a round surface, I couldn't be turned upside down. For it's all written up there in the vast skies. Shining as of light.

Bert and Ernie in Boston

Bert and Ernie in Boston by Daryl Cagle *MSNBC.com; posted Nov. 23, 2003

I miss karaoke nights in the land of Abu Sayaff. Those days when the sound of bombs felt like distant rumblings. And we would just ignore it and sing to our heart's content.

Right?!

Find a boy who you can run to; with tears running down your face and the first thing he says is "Whose ass am I kicking babe?" ~read it from somewhere :D

strange these days
when heart speaks
no language but love
these days
streets seem bright
like the silhouette of dreams
oddly these days
my eyes seek no words
but the stir in your mind
and these days
despair and longing
ignored by you.

as the sun rises high
light dawns on thee
breathing down the horizon
as it warms me faithfully
as the sun talks of summer
the beach whispers in my ear
of hideaways and escapades
with aims of breaking free
as midnight falls silently
your voice echoes in my slumber
through winds of melancholy
filled with fear and agitation
as the day embarks again
music sets the tone of time
those fleeting moments with you
etched hauntingly in my mind
as the sun sets to dusk
pray, tell your intention
for this being full of angst
dying in my solitude
as i gaze to the heavens
in my parallel universe
i wish for an instance
so surreal yet sublime

Erstwhile

The cries of a cherubim turn futile when I look up to the skies in prostration. The harp renders melodies of a weeping willow scarced of leaves. Famished befall her, yet a seed of light sprout on its trunk. Fluffs of white from distant north breathes her way... A bud in its full bloom.

***

I've made mistakes in my life, countless times. But it didn't stop me to try and learn new things. I do always allow new experiences that come my way.

I bump. I stumble. I falter. Yet I continue to face my day and challenge difficulties. I also believe that I would never learn just by sitting in a pious throne. Don't get me wrong. I'm not really a bad wolf... Or a lost soul who'd gone astray. In the dailiness of life, in search for the true meaning of existence, I live by grace and practice what I believe the teachings of a Supreme Being. I believe in God. I do love Him. And I live for Him. But in this journey, I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite who claims her life to be a spotless slate. No, I am humbly sorry for my sins. Many hearts have bled for me, and that would have gnawed my whole being to shame, put me in a cage of seclusion.

If only I could tell "I'm only doing what I think is not wrong for you, but I couldn't see myself anymore..." My world is my stage, but you condemn me. You shout out applauses, but you never know how it feels when the curtains close down. When you shout "encore", let me do what I think is right for me now.

I don't need you to affirm what you believe is the right path for me. I need to see you behind my back, not sadly crying, but with a smile that gives warmth to a bruised spirit taking a roadtrip to the unknown. I don't need you to look at me with regret; because I have endured resignedly my failures and frustrations.

I don't need you to tell me the lessons I should learn from life. I'm telling you I've had enough. Yet it didn't thwart me of a lifelong dream. I need you to listen to my pains when I drop all my defenses. I need you to listen to what I'm not saying.

And I need to be at peace with myself when the world points an accusing finger at me. My silence won't kill you; but the noises of conformity and morality have repulsed me to live like a recluse, often in solitude.

I don't need you to question me; even myself, I carry further in time of what I sought. I only need you to understand that this is still me. I'm no angel. But a a child who has lost her halo at once.

Mwahugs,
Boyeng <3

She Wrote

Our love started with so much hope, so many dreams. It was a fairy tale that took us both by surprise. It blossomed into a love that was bonded and true. Our memories are filled with so much joy and so much pain. In my heart I know the joy outweighs the pain. I want to embrace the joy and hold it close to my heart where it can live forever. I want to remember the pain as a lesson, a lesson of how much we almost lost. A lesson of life to be lived with a memory of how not to be. We can never hide from each other again. This journey I ask you to walk with me will be joyous at times and rough. I don't offer you perfection. I offer you, me who has weakness. I know that we haven't talked about what we went through, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about it each and every day. You don't know how much I wish that I could be lying there with you whispering in your ear my heart's deepest desires. When you're here, I can't speak. Grabe, I want to discuss or explain things with you pero hindi ko magawa because of your limited time. I wish I could offer you promises. I wish I could paint a future with no uncertainties. But I have none to offer. I have no idea what the future holds for us. I just know I want us to experience it together. I think it will be an adventure. Even as I write the word adventure I know what it means. We have shared so many, and they have never had to be earth shaking. They are the little ones that have climbed into our hearts and found a home. They are the kind that have created the sweetest memories. They are the kind that only you and I can share and appreciate. That's where my love for you comes from. That and knowing so many new memories await.

I wish that there was a way to make time stop and go back to a time when we were happy. We both know that before we can go back to being one, we need to change things about ourselves in order to make this relationship last. I hope that one day we can find a way to get past this, but until that day comes I want you to know that I will wait for your answer because my love for you is never ending. I want you to know that I truly loved you so much. Don't let our love fade away and our memories be scattered to the winds. I want us to work things out, and though it might not be possible, if you're willing... I want to try. I should have realized from the beginning that I never had any reason to be scared. And if for whatever reason things don't work out between us, or if you choose to remain as a friend, that's fine with me. I will take it as destiny or fate passed me by and that we just weren't meant to be together. Whatever the outcome might be, I know that I am so happy to still have you as a part of my life.

*****

If you're reading this, I wish you well. I truly understand what you're going through right now. I've been there too... feelings were miserably jilted... heart's mangled begging for reasons... I was maimed for trying. Yet in the end, being magnificently jettisoned has taken me into a few rides. Those weren't same as my first but I found myself moving on. Believe me, it took years for that salt to melt away in my wounded heart. I lost my compass awaiting for the attraction of the sun and moon once again. They never coincided. And a large stream of water tided off the reef. I wept; I lamented for lost hopes, for the newfound freedom, for understanding the significance of someone. However, nursing a dementia will brilliance of memory traces gradually dim in Alzheimer's time. If you'd esteem for my opinion.

Thank you for writing though.

Mwahugs,

Boyeng <3

Bulilit

I miss you, my Disney Princess. I'm watching MJ's Memorial right now. I wish you were here beside me and sing "Dangerous" all night long. Always be good to Lala.

Airport

We still had ample time to waste before boarding. I didn't know my sister took pics of Mishka and me playing tag in this wide expansion :)
***
A month of Silk Road experience... still considering about the trip. I'm honestly broke :D Oh Buddha, enlighten me. The offer or the offer? :D

Kouhe's

It was past midnight when we left the karaoke bar. And these two were still "genki" that we all decided to stroll around the alleys in a neighborhood in Yokohama. We stopped by at a videoshop to rent some DVDs. But looky here, these two were inseparable :)

Sashimi

Take a lustful look, my lovelies :D

X

My phone has been breathing for a while an irrepressible nausea. If pain or pleasure were audible, I put on my shoes ill-humoredly and trod these narrow streets of this alien world. In such a mood then that seethes in me, let me thread on those verses so beautiful and strange that I venture to think of writing them down.

"You are the kindest person I met in my life. And most truthful. I don't know if it's right or wrong. I still think a lot about you." Sadly and deeply moved... Are these muffled psalm of regret or thanksgiving?

"Though we have moved on too far, I still care for you." But no, we should end it here. There are no good byes that won't hurt. And there are no good byes that won't lead you to a new beginning.

I always believe that time has its own manifestations. Suffice it to say, we had our own fated moment or at once, a period of disposal. Be happy now with the course of life you're in. I'm a grateful heart that you have confided in me your prolonged privation. Yes, you are in the right track. Happy wedding, and may you have a blessed marriage.

Mwahugs,
Boyeng <3

This is how our baby sleeps. She just turned 3 yesterday. "I'm a big girl already!" And I challenged her how big she is when she's not even half as tall as me. She was in a deep thought for a while, and later on, let out a big sigh... "I'm a little girl, but I will become big just like Tia because I eat a lot of lettuce, and it's good for the eyes." Ok, whatever you say so...
I put on her new pair of dia while she's still snoring. Though she kind of jerked and pushed my hand when I put them on, I did it anyway :D I hope she won't ask me to take the pair off tomorrow when she wakes up.

I like!

Yaya

Fooling around with Ayu-chan, while her mom went to gossip with the girls.

Brat

"I don't want to go home to the Philippines. Mommy can go, but I will

stay and wait here in Japan."

Boreas

I count the days
chase the blue skies
watching the leaves
fall into grey;
a foliage of auburn
and flowers wither,
yet brings forth
a myriad of hope
that opens in the snow
fondles the glacial north
when love takes its wing.

Power Puff Girls

While we were waiting for her mom who went to knock one of the doors in this building, so we decided to do random pictures. We were so much having fun in this narrow street. Unpretending of the eyes laid on us, it didn't both stop us. She wouldn't, I should say.

Best Friends

My Ma has caught up the bug lately. She's officially occupied in social networking. Yeah right, you will see her in Friendster, and just aeons ago, she's signing up an account in Facebook :) Anyroad, that's cool. And I got to see my two babies, though, in pictures that Ma has uploaded in her page. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Zaki and Ishi, lovely Akita spitz! They're now both 3 years old.



I sooo miss, miss, miss you two. I bet Ma has given a lot of attention to both of you. Because she can't leave nor move to another place without you mongrels.

Oldies

...she laid back on her bed, thoughts racing in her head, why can't my love be beautiful, she said. And she closed her eyes again, just praying he'd return, ...but only darkness ...fell upon her. ~Wolfgang

Le 01/04/08 01:03, « mariale ohya » a écrit :

I know not for which fate is worse: to have not opened my heart at all or to have loved and lost someone as I did. There is one thing I know though. Loving him was a sweet misery. I loved him as I love life itself, but I was certain that I would never be in his arms for he longs to hold another. I have resigned to the fact that I shall be with him only in my dreams.

He once came into my loneliness and stirred the passion in my heart from its disturbed slumber. He was the beautiful sun, which rose for me on that beautiful morning of a new day of my life. His existence was enough reason for me to be born and entrusted to this void we call our world. I was hurt, maybe I still am. I thought I would never fall in love again. I was scared and lost my trust in love because it brought me nothing but despair. I knew that the glory of that morning would not last. For it must give way to night time, when the beautiful sun, which had heralded the coming of a new day, would become my pitiless tormentor. My affection for him then was my own passion.

He was my cruel tyrant.

It is now my desire to be strong, to never allow my heart to be broken again. Silly how he came barging in and while I refuse to open, I detrimentally failed to shut the door. Well perhaps loving him was like writing poetry: creating a thing of beauty, a heart's song, yet a song I was afraid to sing, for my ballad might be mocked and my love rejected. Nonetheless, life itself is short and passing. No matter what happened, I have learned not to let my song to the grave. I can only be nothing but hopeful.

Maybe my love for him will someday fade with the setting of the sun. But until such time when I will no longer be a slave of my own passion, I shall continue to master the art of letting go. There can be nothing more apt than this.

Le 09/04/08 06:56, « mariale ohya » a écrit :

I cannot find the right words to explain how I kept myself sane over the past years of being just by myself, of being alone on Friday nights. My sanity lies in the realization that neither myself nor my destiny can ever control the truth about having a relationship.

I was born alone, why would I kill myself just to have someone in my bed?

Gloria Steinem said: "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." Just like a fish, I could still swim the deep waters; without even learning how to walk, even ride bikes. Yes, I have survived years without the comforts of a partner because I am a woman.

Sadness could devour me like a forest fire, but my mind keeps telling me that I can be happy, that I can be normal; even though my hormones are now going haywire. Sometimes, I would just scream at the top of my lungs to release the pressures of being alone. And then, I would just come back to my senses and realize that in my solitude I found the person who would always be there for me... myself.

Looking past the mirror in front of me, I see what is beyond the lines forming under my eyes, with brows slowly shaping into an arch of non-conformity. I see the nakedness of my femininity reaching its value. I do not see curves, rather it is the simplicity of being who I am that suppresses the madness.

Insanity... I have no clue what that means anymore.

28

Happy Birthday to me!

Ballad of Wonder

(anonymous)

Place upon the cravings of the early morning,
From which the heart shall claim the sky,
The soul that never rest from knowing
A shell of dreams that never die.

Thus, move with the shadows doubt
And believing the void without,
And living slightly less regretting,
While knowing powers deep within.

And curse, and play, and give, and feel
The many things so profoundly real.
Again, and again the mind still wonder
The thousand mysteries to love and ponder.

For soon this frail vehicle of flesh and blood
Shall pass with time and turn to mud,
But the mind and the heart will still be glad
For all the wonders that they once had.

April Fool's Day

Another family portrait. This time when Mishka invades Ginza.

Queueing for dessert.

Swiss Miss Family

I missed my ever cousin Nico. And his tie is a delight to my eyes. Pink. My favorite.

ZED

It's been a long day. But I have to rush back home. Our branch manager called up more than thrice today, telling me a lot of excuses. He's been weird lately. I know he was just checking out on me. Imagine whilst I was snorring in a make-believe world yesterday, there were constant ringing from him. So I had to show him the files he was pestering me about. Now he's being crazy, with a side-note of the whereabouts of my "date". He can't just shut up. I had no choice but to slap it to his face that I do have a life. And here I am trying to get the super-express ride, just so I could drop by the office to print the files he's oh-so-fuming about. When I get there, I would like to remind him for the weeks that he was not around, that I would like him to be exiled forever in Kobe or back to Tokyo, because he's driving us mad whenever he's around. Yes, I'm mad and I'm going to lambaste that to his face. Argh, I have to get my gibberish perfectly articulate now. I wish I would morph into Zed's image and totally speak in a foreign tongue.

Wine Overdose

As I look between the beer and the iced tea

Pondering which makes more sense

I tremble in my seat

I need a wine

Oh, where's the loo?

A mic comes handy.

Everyday I look for you
Unexpected futility
Among the wooden havens
The falling leaves
The mysterious corners
The memorable scenes
Unexpected futility
Answers me
Oh, you moved on
Away...
Away from here,
Away from me.

Mwahugs,
Boyeng <3

I don't want to pretend that I'm not hurt with my decision. But yes, I have to stand firm protecting myself from getting 'crunched'... I know I'm too selfish to push you away. If I could make you understand how I truly feel, I wouldn't mind getting 'crunched' to the core. But I don't like how it will kill me when slowly the sparks would disappear. So I'm flying away, which means flying away from the comfort of your Big Wings. May you find your little wings somewhere in time.

~nipped.

Carl Raymon

Woohoo! I woke up from a buzz of delivery-call. A package from Hakodate, Hokkaido.
It's a loot of chocolates and more chocolates from white to dark... Yum! More Japanese goodies, those sweet mochi. Sticky! Of course, Carl Raymon's packs of sausages. A book. An album, set of pictures of places I would like to be at, whenever I feel like thinking and to be secluded from the madding crowd. Oh, there's me! Woot! I have to unpack now before I'd dig memories from the past.

Weekend

For the moment :)

Think Of Me

I've got me some post V-day present. What a surprise from our branch manager! I'm wondering if he's half-Japanese, or just because I am when I'm not???

St. Valentine's

For Kokim and R-yo who both were asking me to send them chocolates to save their reputation (LOL) at their respective offices, of being dateless on this hearts day... You two pick your own choice :p I tried, actually my first, but I couldn't have made it perfectly well. Anyhow, by the time I'll send each to both of you, the look would be more unsightly I guess. I only have a picture to offer :p

Cheers to everyone, and happy birthday to my sister! And to lovely Odette too, hugs on your birthday.

Like any other Valentine's day, I still opt to be alone than crowd myself to the commercialism of a supposed special day.

***On phone conversation with Kokim...

"Won't there be a solution to your problem of not being sociable? Or but, you wouldn't relate yourself to anybody who is way different to your perspective?"

Whatever it may be, I don't have qualm about it.

Squid

One of my yummy faves :p

Singaporean Seafood

It's quite dark. This is only what my iPhone could get. But I don't care that much. My stomach's growling already for that Thai crab dinner (crab in curry sauce).

Our first course is here already. Just check out the place. It's right in front of Shinagawa station.

Begin forwarded message:

From: <YOU>

Date: 2009年1月22日 2:30:18:JST

To: <ME>

Subject: Is there anybody out there...

Your silence is ice

blue void of cold wisper

of sound anticipated

of cracking hope

Silence. I hear words I wish

and all those I fear

Are you hiding in silence?

Are you lost in pain?

Flap your wings, angel

Make the wind roar

of your will to live

Obstinated fighter.

My heart knows no words... I wish you were here to give me that warmth of your embrace, to kiss the tiny pearls falling down my cheeks.

I am still breathing. Although I find the pressures and responsibilities of life nowadays unbearable. I am still swimming in the surface, scaling that wall.

I have dreamt of you. It was so vivid that I could actually feel you. But I woke up from the reality that you were never around. I gasped for air, because I was crying when your image was slowly fading away from me. I walked my way to the fridge and found my half-drunk glass of milk. I didn't want to remember how I feel so alone in that dream. After I went to the loo, I checked my phone and I've got this. From then, it never stopped raining until all I could remember in the morning how heavy my heart was.

I don't think I will ever see you. And I don't think I will ever be with you. 

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life.

自分を信じるのです。一生、幸せに付き合っていられる自分を自ら作り出すのです。

Golda Meir
ゴルダー・メイヤー

Sometimes I feel my heart fall to vague depths between words. There are such spaces that I can't help but feel. My heart fall between the pregnant pause of all you will not say and all I can not ask.

Mishka

With her Tito-Ninong, her godfather, who she just fondly calls as Kokim. I think she's confused how to address her Tito Kokim, Ninong Kokim, Tito-Ninong... though she could utter straight the above honorifics, she opted for a shorter name-calling in a high-pitched stress.

To Narita

Off to the airport right now...

I need the eye-shut. I only had 4 hours of sleep. I made a cab reservation, so I have to be prim and proper on the time scheduled. Good thing this cab driver is very kind. He gallantly opened and closed the door for me. He even patiently waited for me downstairs, outside his car in a freezing cold, yet calling me through the interphone if I were ready. But nuh, he picked up a croaking voice.

Now he just let me slip to my dreamy world.

Thank you, Katou-san. Wake me up when we're there already.

Benri

It means convenient in Japanese. And for the people that surround me, it also means 'yours truly'.

There were times that I would like to give up, during those times that I so wished I was blind and deaf. I was on this threshold of fumigating my frustrations toward them. I could hardly breathe that I have become mute, as it has always been. I've had to be a pillar despite my prostrations.

I may be an ant, without nothing but only hard labor to carry on her back, unconspicuous to what seems a busy life they own. I don't bite like an ant though, you still don't have the right to step on me. However I was never blind nor deaf to your inconveniences.

Chains

Both of my faves are about to say goodbye... so are the moments?

Frazzled

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is."

私ができることは、自分自身であること。たとえ自分という存在が、どんな人間であろうとも。

Bob Dylan
ボブ・ディラン

お正月

Oshougatsu no maguro sashimi.

Tuna. Yum!

2009

Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu!

Mwahugs,
Boyeng <3

The Manila Standard Today

First published 6 June 2008

INTEGRATIONS
Maya Baltazar Herrera

Voyage

There are no children here.

This week, I went to a meeting at the UP School of Economics and came away with renewed belief in the value of the UP experience.

If you speak to anyone from UP – student, professor, alumnus - you will get no Latin slogans or apologies about how the school teaches values inspite of its outward materialism. This is not a student population that thinks about basketball games or memorizes school songs. This is not a school that chooses one statement to drill into the minds of its students.

This is not, of course, to say that UP does not care about values. It is that UP, in its own inimitable way, believes that values cannot be force-fed. The statue of the naked man that guards the entrance to the campus in Diliman best represents UP's approach to all education and the respect for students that is the center of its educational philosophy. All who come to this university, regardless of origin, bring themselves naked, carrying nothing but their thirst; like the proverbial empty teacup, making an offering of self, waiting to be filled.

Adults

For many students from private schools, the first lesson that is learned here is that this is a school for adult education. There are no children here, and that is why no parents are allowed either at freshman orientation or during enlistment.

The spirit of the oblation lies not in a mother or a father offering up his child to the world, it is that of the newly adult, freely offering of his self.

I remember quite vividly that moment that drove home how different the UP education continues to be. It was my daughter's first semester in university and she had invited a group of her high school friends to our house. One of them asked a classmate whether she had gotten her parents permission form approved for that weekend's outreach activity. From the UP population around the table came the mock horrified responses of: "Permission? " and "Outreach?"

I thought about it and realized that all of these students were, in fact, legally adults. I thought it interesting that only the UP students appeared to appreciate this fact.

Even more interesting was the "outreach" comment. I think back to my own university years and the last three years that my daughter has been in UP and am certain there is no lack of civic activity. There are medical missions, house building projects, tree planting, community work and barrio work and so on. I realize now that the reaction was not to the activity as much as it was to the use of the word.

One of the most important differences of the UP campus from all the other campuses my children considered going to is that this campus has no walls. Many parents fear this. They are afraid their precious children will not be protected from the ills of society in a campus that is so open to the rest of the world. But UP is open to the world in more ways than just not having the physical walls.


Community

Being in UP means much more than being a student. This campus is enmeshed in a community. This community is made up not only of the transient population of students who go home at the end of each day. It includes the many, many students who lay their heads on dorm pillows every night, enduring time away from families in the firm belief that this campus will bring them closer to their dreams. This community includes the families of faculty and employees who live on campus. It also includes the many people who do not work for the University, but nevertheless work on campus. This community includes the lady who remembers the brand of cigarette you smoke and automatically hands it to you in the morning. It includes the gentleman who remembers you like pepper on your egg sandwich or the one who knows you will dip your fish balls into two of his sauces and patiently waits for you to eat your three sticks before being paid. It includes the woman who saw all her children through college by selling peanuts every day on campus.

To a UP student, the daily heartbeat of the school is never far away from the realities of the country. The word outreach suggests that civic activity is something outside of the normal, something you do once in a while. It must be immensely difficult to think of community as a thing apart when your campus experience brings you face to face with all of the world's realities every day.


Character

All of this probably explains that unmistakable sense of self that you will find from students who come from this campus. Here is a campus where all have the same opportunities to learn. But, also, here is a campus that will give all the same opportunities to fail. There are no guidance counselors who will chase after you because you have been skipping classes. The attitude this university takes is that you must take the initiative – for learning, for seeking help, for realizing you need help.

That is not to say that no help exists. But it is help that is not forced upon you.


This is a university rich in both introspection and conversation. On this campus, the student is constantly exposed to people – faculty, administrators, community members, other students – who care deeply and passionately about the world. The conversations are almost never purely cerebral. A single graph can provoke comments about government policy and its effects on people.

As a result, UP is home to a student population that looks at the world and cares. It is easy to see pictures of protesting students and dismiss it as radicalism. But there are few campuses in this country where students go beyond a passing curiosity about what is happening in the world beyond their own lives. There are even fewer universities where students not only care but also actually believe they have a responsibility to make a difference – not in some hazy future – today.

And that, I believe, is what truly forges character. Character is not molded by speeches or long classes in ethics or theology. Character grows from within. It begins by being handed the keys to your own self and being told you are in charge; you now have power over yourself and your own actions – and with that power, you take on responsibilities.

Each student in this university goes through his own unique voyage of discovery. On this voyage, as he decides what he cares about, what he will fight for and what he will sacrifice, he crafts his own personal values. That is what education is truly about.

Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,’The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another. She will be another. Like my kisses before.
Her void. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my should is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

~Pablo Neruda

4:01

Happy Christmas

Baby Jesus, you're always here in my heart. Amen.

Humility

Fwd: bookF1.com - Christmas Newsletter

Anyone who's thinking of sending me a gift package this Christmas, you might want to consider this option. I will, of course, not complain about it :p


Begin forwarded message:

From: support@bookf1.com
Date: December 17, 2008 9:47:47 PM JST
To: marrihliesse@yahoo.com
Subject: bookF1.com - Christmas Newsletter

Christmas Presents

If you're still looking for Christmas presents then giving tickets to the Formula 1 should send you straight to the top of Santa's 'Nice' list. We offer a personalised gift certificate service to cover you until the tickets are printed or if you're not sure which tickets to choose then we also offer bookF1.com gift vouchers.

We'll continue sending out certificates and vouchers until 23rd December, just in case you're running late.

New Race Openings

I'm pleased to advise that in the last month we have also opened sales for Bahrain, Italy, Japan, and Brazil. This means that tickets for the majority of 2009 races are now on sale. Check out the bottom of this email for a complete season list.

Paddock Club Hospitality

Exclusive, exhilarating, elite. With all the credentials of the finest establishments, the Formula One Paddock Club welcomes visitors for the ultimate in world-class hospitality. Get close to the action with unrivalled access to the roar of the race and the heat of the pits. Meet the drivers and hear their strategy then watch the drama of the track unfold from the perfect vantage point.

2009 Paddock Club tickets are now on sale! For further information and prices, see our VIP and hospitality tickets page.

Transport And Parking

Don't forget to plan your transport and, if necessary, purchase parking for any race you attend. We provide information on reaching the circuit under 'Travel Advice' for each race. And for those visiting Silverstone 2009, we're also running a London coach service so you can sit back and relax whilst we do the driving.

Merry Christmas

On behalf of all of us at bookF1.com, we'd like to thank you for your interest and support over the past year and wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Kindest Regards

Paul Deason
Support Team

e: support@bookf1.com
t: +44 (0)1371 879868
f: +44 (0)1371 879955
w: http://www.bookf1.com

2009 F1 Calendar

Date	Race
29th March	Australia
5th April	Malaysia
19th April	Bahrain
10th May	Spain
24th May	Monaco
7th June	Turkey
21st June	Britain
12th July	Germany
26th July	Hungary
23rd August	Europe (Valencia)
30th August	Belgium
13th September	Italy
27th September	Singapore
11th October	Japan
18th October	China
1st November	Brazil
15th November	Abu Dhabi

You have received this email because you have subscribed to the bookF1.com newsletter. To unsubscribe, please click here.

Kanarazu

My dreams are composed of you and no one else. I only see you and don't want to wake up. You steal my night. And you capture my day. Now I'm lost because I only want to be by your side.

Zutto anata no soba ni itai desu.

Grip

I can't put into words what's really bothering me these days. I don't like my job, but if I would have to quit now I will be more lost. I am exhausted. I am depressed. I hope I'm still sane. Am I missing anything? And if I make sense at all, ain't I?

The Alphabets

A. Attached or single? Attached to myself.
B. Best friend? In my lifeline... Lae and Gneiss in Illinois. Don in Singapore. Kokim, Naomi and Tatsurou in Japan, Tobias in Europe. By the way, you can still submit your resume. A decade or two await your full service.
C. Cake or pie? Cake, chocolate cake.
D. Day of choice? Sunday.
E. Essential item/s? Inside my bag... a prayer booklet and the holy rosary, my pink digicam and black iphone, usb, lip balm and milk cream, pen and small notebook, wet tissue and pads, my personal stamp and still the old green passport, electronic dictionary/tool whenever I'm lost in translation, some vitamins and hemoglobin tablets, wallet and a wallet for cards, and oh, itouch and chocolates.
F. Favorite color? Pink.
G. Gummy bears or worms? Both.
H. Hometown? Pagadian City, Philippines. Google map, quick!
I. Favorite indulgence? Books, chocolate and ice cream, milk lotion.
J. January or July? Well, I can't relate. Can I opt for April?
K. Kids? Coooming soon, yet soon. Wait, seven years ago I thought it was the right season to nest. I thought it was the ideal age to cuddle my own mini-me :) But only I waited for a divine intervention that happened thousands of years ago.
L. Life isn’t complete without? ...me being complete.
M. Marriage date? Please wait for the next attraction :p
N. Number of magazine subscriptions: I don't invest on RD and the Times anymore.
O. Oranges or apples? I can't make a choice.
P. Phobias? Getting drown. I can't swim without a life vest, honest! But I can float or bloat :p
Q. Quotes? God is the strength of my heart.
R. Reasons to smile? Life is beautiful in spite of its literary irony and the flattery of human follies.
S. Season of choice? Spring.
T. Tag 5 people. I grab this from donG. So anyone, please yourself.
U. Unknown fact about me? I still want to keep it for myself, even if it's also unknown to me.
V. Vegetable? Tomatoes. Any green or color as long as I could gobble it down.
W. Worst habit? Bags. Books. Chocolates. Couch-potato. Dancing. Derision of wit. Gibberish. Growing up. Henpeck persistently at God knows who. Hit the road and getting lost. Insomnia. Jack Osbourne wannabe. Learning. Lethargic/super-lazy sometimes. Milk lotion. OCD. Persistent, did I say that again? Rapt in thoughts. Sarcasm. Shoes. Singing. Sleeping. This list could go on... I think I'm the worst habit myself.
X. X-ray or ultrasound? My first memory of x-ray was when I was 6 years old. There was an accident, and I suffered a fractured bone in my left leg. With ultrasound, I went back and fro to a gynecologist since I first had my red blot on my skirt. My ovary's troubled. Whatever, but did I go through the deep heat? Poor brain fizzle out.
Y. Your favorite foods? I can't specifically point my favorite. I love to eat though it doesn't show :p Oh, I love seafood.
Z. Zodiac sign? Aries.

Each Time

I was just blog surfing when I stumbled onto this. It reminds me of a dear friend, Rosee, who would always scream whenever this song's aired on the radio. She'd wake up the whole house in the early morning and disturb the croon of a good night sleep. My door was right next to hers, so I would always end up rushing to her side ever willing to come to her aid, only to comfort her high-pitched giggling and progressive addiction to the song, and that I was powerless to stop her euphoric state of the moment. But I love her just like that.

I so miss Browngate, the most coveted place in UP Cebu neighborhood. It was when I was there. Winks. Really it sheltered 12 creative young minds, a dwelling of qualities that delight the sense of sight. I just got lucky to be part of this harem. Anywho, I miss these girls a heap.

Bestfriend's Prayer

I am sensing just the deepest cuts of your heart as of this moment.

I cannot quite put a finger on what it is, but gut-feeling tells me it's more than what you are saying and not saying.

Always, remember my love, that I am always willing to listen to whatever it is that you need to spill just for the sake of spilling, no judgements nor criticisms will ever come from me.

In your tears, however wet your blankets may get, I am there with you in your sorrows.

I am constantly thinking of how you are and how you are faring with your battles, even as I am sure you are already winning as we speak.

Take your time to grieve for whatever, and until you are ready to share, I am more than a welcoming ear. I will give you the warmest hug that has seemed to be in utter oblivion between us these past 3 years.

I say prayers for your safety and your heart that seem to always grapple emotions so heartbreaking.

I pray for rest, that you may find it in your aloneness in Him, who gives us more than rest, the peace that our hungry hearts clamor for.

I pray that He continue to wipe your tears dry, as you shudder from the situations you are facing.

I applaud in the strength that you constantly muster, it is only through Him that you are facing life boldly in the face.

I am here, so ever willing to listen.

I am backing you up in prayer my friend.

God is leading you to do whatever it is that is necessary. Go with His confidence.

I love you.

You're not alone.

i-Motion

Good high noon. I'm on my way back to Tokyo right now. To my busy platform in Higashi-Ginza, to welcome Eldica's bitching and wicked smiles again, to where being glamorous and those pair of stilettos I should put on, to a ritzy-congested world where I feel small and alone. But hey, it's only a matter of five working days. Come Friday I will be that same country mouse... And all I have to do is just to sleep and be a domestic diva.

While on the road... Mt. Fuji. The only decent shot I could manage using my mobile.